#BetterByFriday – How are you?
Over the last several months, I’ve found myself in a season of reflection.
I won’t go into all the details just yet. Some of what I’ve been thinking through is still taking shape, and I suspect I’ll be exploring it for quite a while yet.
One thing I do know is that I’ve been returning to three questions that have quietly followed me for more than a decade. Even longer in different forms. I’ve even mentioned them in a #BetterByFriday before.
They’re questions I’ve asked soldiers, first responders, organizational leaders, coaching clients, students, and friends.
Lately…
I’ve been directed back at me.
1. The Three Questions
Simple yet powerful.
- Who are you?
- How are you?
- What do you really want?
At first glance they seem almost too simple.
But the more we sit with them, the more we realize they’re asking three very important things.
Who are you? is a question of identity. Who are you when your job title, accomplishments, responsibilities, and the expectations of others are stripped away?
How are you? is a question of awareness. Not the automatic “I’m doing fine” that we often give when someone asks, but an honest assessment of where we are physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and relationally.
Then comes the question that still makes me pause every single time.
What do you really want? It’s a question of direction.
Not what you’re supposed to want. Not what someone else wants for you. What do YOU really want?
If I’m honest, I don’t know that this question ever has a final answer.
Maybe it isn’t supposed to.
Maybe the practice of returning to it is what keeps us growing.
What I’ve noticed is that when those three answers begin drifting apart… when who I say I am no longer matches how I’m living, or when my daily actions aren’t leading toward what I truly want… I begin to feel it.
Stress.
Restlessness.
Frustration.
Sometimes even resentment.
Not necessarily because life has become harder. Because I’ve become less aligned with myself.
I’d like to invite you to slow down with me.
Find a quiet place. Ask yourself those three questions. And don’t rush to answer them.
Some questions are meant to be lived before they’re answered.
2. A Timeless Principle
Awareness almost always precedes meaningful change.
We can’t intentionally change what we’re unwilling (or unable) to honestly see.
3. One Action You Can Take Today
Set aside ten uninterrupted minutes today or early in the week.
No phone.
No television.
No scrolling.
Just a notebook.
Write these three questions at the top of the page.
- Who am I?
- How am I?
- What do I really want?
Don’t worry about solving anything.
Just begin the conversation.
4. From the Archives
As I mentioned above, these three questions aren’t new. They’ve been one of the reflective practices I use often for a very long time.
In fact, I wrote a LinkedIn and blog post about them in 2016 and made them the central theme of a WinX talk in Chicago back in 2017.
What’s interesting is that I’ve never had 100% certainty on answers to those questions. If anything, I’ve learned to appreciate the questions even more than the answers to them.
If you’re interested, here’s a link to the blog post and the WinX talk. The article only was an early rendition that only had two of the questions and the talk is a little more about a specific case I worked as a young investigator, but the three questions are the central theme.
I’m curious what you notice, and I suspect I’ll see something different today than I did back then.
5. One Question for Reflection…
What’s your biggest struggle right now?
Not the answer you give everyone else. The real one.
To be clear… I am not asking you to respond with your answer. Instead, I am encouraging you to sit quietly with your thoughts on it.
There’s something powerful about simply naming it.
Sometimes the first step toward change isn’t solving the problem.
It’s finally being honest about where you are.
If you’d like to share, I’d genuinely love to hear from you.
Have a great week.
Be Better By Friday.
